Wednesday, September 23, 2009

All my best friends are metalheads...



Lucero was awesome. I made my way into a pit for the first time since Flatfoot 56. I’m getting too old for pits, especially the full-blown hardcore bust-over-the-head type pits. In order for me to make my way into pits anymore, the vibe has to be perfect – the crowd has to have a positive buzz, a bunch of folks there to have a good time, and I also have to be feeling the music, too.

This one was perfect, a crowd that pleasantly drunk, just out for fun, not out for blood, just there to reel with the music, to make enjoying Lucero a common experience. And reel we did… it was perfect. At one point, during “Nights Like These,” the whole pit stopped, and shouted

“The beer tastes like blood, my mouth is numb.
I can't make the words I need to say
She had a weakness for writers, and I was never that good with words anyway.”

Then we all high-fived one another, and the music ctarted rolling again, and so did we.

I’ve said it before, but Ben Nichols is a poet, and I like to meet him, and I’d like to meet his muse.

Man, what is a muse?

In Greek mythology, there were nine of them, and they were goddesses who presided over the arts, and inspired the artists. But that was a long time ago, when Greek art, music, poetry, etc. was all pretty structured. Back then, as one who aspires to be a writer, I would have answered to Calliope perhaps, who was a pretty little thing who inspired epic poems. Oddly enough, her lover was Ares, the god of war, and they had kids together.

It just goes to show that opposites attract, I guess, for those of us who subscribe to that particular lyric “The opposite of war isn’t peace – it’s creation” - which as a musical lyric may have been inspired by the Muse Erato, who inspired lyric poetry. She was well-known for inspiring love and erotic poems, but was never really hooked up with any gods. She was then either getting it on with everyone, or a tragic figure that inspired what she wasn’t having.

In any case, nine Muses were fine when the world was smaller and the art more rigid. But they don’t really cut it now. I think that as the world got bigger, and the poets, artists, lovers and dreamers spread around the world, the Muses found they couldn’t handle the increased workload, so they allowed the creation of more muses (not the change to the lowercase).

Somehow, for better or for worse, everyone who aspires to create now finds their own muse, one who’s always there to inspire the artists to make their own particular brand of art. Except of course when the muse is not there, which is frustrating, sometimes, but sometimes it’s also even more frustrating when they are around.

I think, as the lineage of the muses got watered down, and they got scattered throughout the world, they changed. They’re not related to one another, at least not in appearance, and they very rarely have anything in common with one another. When a muse goes away for a while, it’s a safe bet he/she’s not hanging out with other muses. Except when he/she comes back looking like he/she’s been in a bar fight. Then he/she was around other muses. Or he/she was just in a bar fight.

But where do our muses come from? Do we create them, or do we find them? Or do they find us? If we don’t create them, where are they before and after us? Do they travel from artist to artist? Or are they born with us, and will die with us. If they will die with us, what inspires muses to inspire suicidal, tragic poets to die young, unless they themselves are suicidal tragic figures who want to die young?

And if my muse is older than I am, who did he help before? I mean honestly, who would want this muse other than me? Who would really be inspired by a barefoot, dirty, towheaded, socially awkward, mildly manic, slightly offensive, pleasantly drunk muse other than me?

What’s your muse look like?

Friday, September 18, 2009

It's Nights Like These

"She had a weakness for writers, and I was never that good with words anyway."



Lucero.

I love this band. I have always wanted to see this band. Frontman Ben Nichols is a poet that sounds like a country-fried Kurt Cobain, and I worship every release they've done.

Did I mention I like them?

Well, here's the deal. They're playing tonight, and I'm going. But it gets better. They're playing the Ferndale Drunkfest DIY Fest! Which means, I will ride my bike to watch them play outside, while I sit in the grass and drink beer and talk to my friends.

Which is the best way to see a band like this.

I'm looking forward to seeing all my friends tonight, to raise a beer and say goodbye to the summer.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Thank you, Mr. President!

I love this, because I agree with him. Kanye West IS a jackass.



"I know we're all sad about Patrick Swayze, but Micheal Jackson did the best celebrity death of the year!" - Kanye West

Friday, September 11, 2009

Eight Years Ago...

I won't say much about it, except to point out this poster that came out seven years ago.



It's a poster that I and another artist created at the ad agency I worked for at the time. It remains some of my best work, I think. I hadn't really thought about it in a while, until an old coworker posted it on FaceBook today.

Beatles Rock Band has made it to our house... so yeah, not much is getting done round there. The only way that things are even getting tidied up is that folks are coming over tonight... you know, to play Beatles Rock Band.

Labor Day came and went in a road trip to Chicago. It was a good time, as all Labor Days should be, a day off and saying goodbye to the summer. I do, however, try to take a moment to think about what that day is about. My dad was a union man, and at one time, I've was part of the UAW as well.




I know the unions have done a lot for my family, for a few generations now; I come from a few generations of factory and auto workers. There will always be a blue collar wrapped around my heart.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Poor, poor Paprika...


paprika
Originally uploaded by alpharat
So this morning, Paprika reached out to all of her friends as well as some casual acquaintances, via Facebook.

It seems that she was robbed at gunpoint in London last night. The crooks took all of her money and her plane ticket, but fortunately not her passport, but she was stranded. She just needed a loan to pay for her hotel, get a cab to the airport and a plane ticket.

Personally, I don't know why she wouldn't have paid for her hotel with a credit card, and I would think the airport would be able to take care of her as long as she had her passport, but what do I know? I wasn't there.

Fortunately, I told her that I knew some guys in London who owed me cash and a favor. If she would just tell me where to meet her, I would send some guys over with 1,200 pounds for her. There was no need to worry about the safety of the transaction I told her, because I trusted these guys, and they were also very big. A bunch of hooligans I told her, but nice guys.

Anyway, if she would just give me a location, the six of them would bring her an envelope full of cash, and take her to the airport.

I'm not sure why, but she never responded after that. Then she even unfriended me.

Maybe it's because the real Paprika was sleeping soundly in Texas at the time.

Then again, what do I know.

So I'm happy she made it back to Texas safely without ever realizing the trauma she had been through in London, and here's hoping that Facebook fixes this ASAP.

Seriously.

Monday, August 31, 2009

It's a bad day for the True Believers...

I can't help but think the Disneyfication of all I hold true is upon us. Get ready for a softer, cuddlier, more friendly version of Wolverine, kids. Maybe with lollipops for claws and some trademark mouse ears.

Disney to Acquire Marvel Entertainment

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Is it my birthday?

If recent events are any indication, it just may be. Emagine entertainment has announced plans to open a cinema/bowling complex in Royal Oak.

What does this mean?

A. A major cinema within biking distance from my house.
B. A major cinema that serves beer... within biking distance from my house.

I heart this news.

Not-so-glorious Basterds

We saw "Inglourious Basterds" this weekend, and if I had to sum up the film in a sentence it would be this: Quentin Tarantino needs to get the fuck over himself.

Don't get me wrong, it's a good movie. The story is good, the acting amazing.

It's just that the movie is almost three hours long, and that's about 45 minutes too long.

I imagine Tarantino has this stable of kissups and toadies who have him convinced that he is so amazing that he can do no wrong, that every shot he takes and every bit of dialogue is so amazing that he must use it ALL. I don't think he knows how to edit anymore, or believes that anything he does ever needs to be edited. Ever.

Mr. Tarantino, building suspense and boring the viewer are two different things. Your scenes and movies are too long, and use too much unneccesary C-R-A-P.

Incidentally, even though the movie was way too long, it was done so at the expense of the Basterds, who themselves were ignored in their early days in lieu of spending too much time developing a story that could have been developed in half the time.

Hopefully, they'll rerelease the movie on DVD as a... what's the opposite of a director's cut?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Brain buckets save lives...

I have a confession to make.

When we bought our new bikes, we didn't always wear helmets when we were just running over to our friends' houses. Or to grab food. Sure, when we're riding to Royal Oak, or to Birmingham, no question, but just to go a block? What's the point?

Keep in mind that, on the bike trail, I won't even ride with anyone who doesn't wear a helmet. I am adamant and militant that, if you're going to ride with me on a trail, you will wear a helmet. I will help you get out of the woods should you hurt yourself, but I don't want to ride with someone who's risking a serious closed head injury; I know people who've gotten serious concussions on the trail when the helmet did its job. Sans helmet, they would have been looking at skull fractures.

So where did I get this double standard? Who knows. But no more.

A friend of ours was riding his bike. Same scenario, just running to a friends house, so no helmet. He was hit by a car. He got a serious concussion and seven staples in his head. Serious shit. He was still recovering when we saw him last week.

I now wear my helmet every time I get on my bike.

The other night, we rode our bikes to the Borders in Birmingham (12 or so miles round trip), got some books and rode back to F-town. We stopped in for cocktails with friends, then headed home.

As we made ready to head out, unlocking bikes and putting on the buckets, some douchey hipster walked by with two ladies. He said, "seriously, helmets? Is that necessary?"

A. WTF? Why say anything if you disapprove, other than you want to impress your hipster lady friends?
B. Seriously, WTF? What did I do to you.
C. I mean seriously. W. T. F. you ass?

I started to look daggers at him, then decided it wasn't worth it. Instead, I said flatly, "my friend just got hit by a car."

No response from him, and the girls stopped to turn and glare at him, as if they just realized the dick move he's just made.

I hope he went home alone.

Anyway, helmets save lives, kids. It's sad when you need to be reminded this way.

In Asheville, a bike helmet even stopped a bullet.

Apparently, a guy, who happened to be a firefighter, saw another guy and his son riding their bikes on a busy road (which is legal). The firefighter got upset because the guy wasn't being safe, so he shot him.

The helmet stopped the bullet.

I know a lot of people are wrapped up in how psycho the shooter was (and the fact that the shooter, Charles Alexander Direz, is on paid leave right now!), but I really want to know - where can I get a bulletproof helmet? It could come in handy in Detroit.

Speaking of Detroit, Anthony Bourdain devoted part of an episode to our lovely town last night. I liked what he said, and he hit some great places, but we're worth more than part of an episode. I mean, he didn't even get coneys!

Monday, July 27, 2009

After the Race


muddy feet
Originally uploaded by alpharat
Team Angry Monkey had a great time at this year's Team Tree Farm rally.

It was rainy, and the trail was SLIPPERY, slow and just a little bit muddy.

Just a little, though.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

For $200, you too can blow up a bridge...

The guy who smashed into the tanker, caused the overpass to collapse and left the city with $2 million in damage? He got a speeding ticket. That's it.

He didn't even get a reckless driving charge or anything like that. Nope, his only penalty will $200 fine and two points on his driving record.

The messed up thing is that he can probably get out of this, too. Seriously, once the police announced that he'll only get charged for speeding, that's it. Now he can take that charge to court and say, "prove it."

And nobody can.

Meanwhile, businesses, commuters and our cash-strapped state is going to suffer even further.

That's all I have to say. Now I'm going to go ride my bike - just not to the Kroger that's closest to my house. Not for quite some time.

Monday, July 20, 2009

It was 40 years ago today...

On this date, in 1969, the U.S. government faked the moon landing.

In honor of this auspicious occasion, retired newsman Walter Cronkite was planning on revealing the coverup to the world.

Certain forces felt this should not be the case.

RIP Mr. Cronkite.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

It's all rubble and rubbish

Short post, but it's worth noting that an overpass on I-75 collapsed less than a mile from my house last night after a tanker exploded. Miraculously, nobody was hurt, but the expressway is closed for now, and who knows when the overpass will be rebuilt.

Today, it's revealed that a guy who was driving two fast veered into the tanker and caused the whole thing. One guy caused this massive destruction because he's a douchebag. I can't get to the nearest Kroger to my house because this guy is a douchebag. Seriously? I hope they kick his ass, put him jail and make him pay for the new bridge.

Honestly, just knowing that he singlehandedly has made my commute hell for the foreseeable future and messed up daily life for so many people simply because he's an idiot drives me nuts. Idiots should never be allowed this kind of power. Idiots should not be allowed out of their yards without a leash.

In other, unrelated news, punk rock has entered the world of organized crime, I love my new bike and so do the ladies, and the movie The Blob seems to be coming true.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I can lead a nation with a microphone...

Listening to: "Handlebars" by Flobots



Really, that's just a small fraction of what I'm listening to right now. No exaggeration, over 100 new CDs have passed through my hands in recent weeks. Some have been absolutely amazing (New Tomorrow's latest is one of the best hardcore records I've heard in a while), and some not so much (brokenCYDE is the biggest piece of shit ever).

All along the way, I haven't bothered to blog. Sometimes I like to blog, sometimes I don't feel link it, and sometimes the world gets in the way and I can't be bothered. Who knows and who cares which one it was this time, as only four of you read this stuff anyway.

Concert season is in full swing; one show a week is a slow week for me lately. Tonight? Green Day. I'm hoping it will be good, but their latest album isn't that great. Hopefully, they'll put on a good show tonight.

I'm more so looking forward to the weekend that will have Warped Tour and Mayhem within two days of one another. A weekend of two all-day festivals, culminating in a performance by Slayer. Ruling level? High.

In an effort to help stimulate the economy as well as to become ever more like Eurotrash, I motivated the purchase of two new velocipedes for our house. This pairing consists of the equivalents to station wagons - big, smooth-rolling machines with grocery racks and bags - the sort of thing that will be getting us all over the neighborhood as long as weather allows.

Last night, for example, we took them to the bookstore, to a restaurant and then for drinks, a total of only say six miles or so, but it was an incredibly fun way to traverse those six miles and spend an evening. Now, that's all I want to do, go home and ride my new bicycle.

Too bad I have to go see Green Day tonight.


Clare Pproduct
Originally uploaded by griffinshot
My mom, in the current bid to be the coolest grandmother ever, took my nieces to see Marky Ramone's Blitzkrieg play in Lansing. Afterward, the met the band and got autographs. Their bassist, Clare Pproduct, was incredibly cool to the girls, and encouraged my oldest niece to keep playing the guitar, as ther needed to be more girls in punk rock.

My nieces discovered a new idol that day, and she's all they can talk about. And not only that, they're all about punk rock now. So instead of aspiring to be like the girls from High School the Musical, they're aspiring to be Clare. Which I fully approve of.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

My New Friend Bina


Bina
Originally uploaded by alpharat
This is our new friend Bina. She's a sweetheart. She'll be having babies, and we've been promised one, but I don't think city ordinances will allow it.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Gorilla with a Knife

Seriously, the photo says it all. But if you want the story, too, it's here.

Surprisingly, though, this isn't the first incident of its kind. This article about the 25 worst exotic pet attacks includes this item:

June 1995, Hollidaysburg, Pennsylvania: An escaped pet monkey wielding a knife and cigarette lighter enters a standoff with police. The animal was eventually captured.


Man, what I wouldn't have done to have seen that standoff.

Monkeys. Man. Unreliable and dangerous in the most awesome way.

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Two Questions...

Question 1: Does anybody read this thing anymore?

If you do, please comment below this post, anonymously is fine, so I can take a tally. I am evaluating my online presence, and something's got to give. It may be this site, you know, unless people do still come here.

Question 2: WTF is up with PETA?

I've been to Seattle twice now, and one of my favorite places is Pike Street Market. They have tons of wonderful food, and it choice for people watching, too.

And they also have these guys:



These are the guys at Pike Street Fish Market. It's one of the best places to get fish in the city, because it's by the water and very fresh, and it comes with a show. Last time we went, we brought back a ton of salmon on the plane, packed in dry ice. We ate it when we got home.

Now it seems that PETA wants to make these guys stop throwing the fish, because it's "disrespectful to creatures that already have gone through a lot," and that "tourists would not be nearly so eager to snap photos if dead kittens or gutted lambs were sailing over their heads."

Now, I'm a big advocate of animal rights. I own two rescued animals. There is just a line between being humane, and being a psychotic zealot. These are dead fish. They were killed to be food, they are not trophys and they're not going to waste, they are on their way to somebody's table. Does it really matter if they fly part of the way? It's like saying that I better not flip those burgers too energetically on the grill, as it's disrespecting the cow that made them.

Seriously, choose your battles. Fight against euthanasia of homeless dogs and cats. Fight against inhumane factory farms. Fight against cosmetic testing. Fight against anything that causes undue pain or stress to animals. Don't bitch about a fish that catches some air on its way to the kitchen.

This is why people think you're psychotic, PETA.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Who needs love when there's Southern Comfort?

Today’s musical interlude: “Leeds United” by (who else?) Amanda Palmer



I really should change the title of the blog from Kit Burns Was Framed! to the Amanda Palmer Superfan or something, but you know, she’s great.

For the past couple days, I have been blasting this song as I fly down the freeway on my way to work.

Of course, today I didn’t fly down the freeway. I crawled, Apparently an armored car spilled its contents on the freeway this morning, and things were shut down while they cleaned up the cash. The people who were there right when it happened snatched up cash and got on their way. Economic stimulus package? We’ll see. If armored cars started spilling cash at random for average folks, it would probably be a lot more effective at spurring consumer spending than all of the cash that was thrown at the banks just to pay disappear into the pockets of overpaid executives.

From the Mind Your Own Business Dept.

There has been a story in the news lately about a pole dancing studio in Orion Township. It’s a fitness class where the instructor teaches women pole dancing for fitness. The instructor ascribes losing 40 pounds to the high level of fitness involved. I can believe it; at a Jane’s Addiction show about 10 years ago, the band had pole dancers on 50-foot poles on stage. The women climbed to the top, hung upside down, let got, dropped 10 feet and then caught themselves with just their legs. These were serious athletes, like acrobats.

Apparently, some residents have their panties in a bunch over the school, like it’s a stripper factory. It’s not, it’s a place where women go to try a new type of fitness. It’s not done naked, and even if it were, who cares, because it’s done indoors?

At any rate, the only criticism that people have about the place is simply to say “it’s immoral.” How unsatisfying are these people’s lives? Talk about repression to the point of danger. Even if your average housewife takes the class, feels good about her self-image, gets self-confidence, and then decides to try some of those class techniques in the privacy of her own home, what is the problem? Seriously, some people need to stop fun-governing.

Let's Win It at Home

The Wings play game 7 tomorrow. It’s all or nothing at this point, and we really need to send the Pens packing like we did last year. The whole town, like most years, has Wings fever. What the Wings need is a little intimidation factor, like the All Blacks have with the Haka.

How intimidated would you be to face off to a team that greeted you with a war dance?



What do we have? Cross dressers. On my way to work this morning I saw a transvestite walking down the street, wearing nothing but a McCarty jersey and high heels (the jersey was long enough to cover up, but barely).

God, I love Detroit, but I wonder how McCarty would feel about this?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Drain the Blood

Music for the moment: A song by Jane’s Addiction.

As per my usual style, I was going to post a video by Jane’s Addiction here, but Warner Music has decided that music videos on YouTube somehow hurt album sales, so instead of a video or musical snippet by the Best. Band. Ever. I am simply going to give a shout out:

FUCK YOU, WARNER MUSIC!

It probably helps to say it as much as pulling YouTube videos helps them sell records, but it does make me feel a little better.

Once again, life is moving faster than I can keep up with. Chrysler is down, but it looks like it’s coming back just fine. GM has gone down, and ‘m not as certain about that one. The president is telling our industry how to run itself, and as big of a liberal as I am, I’m not really very happy with him either.

In addition to all of that mess, it seems that I “get to” take a week off this summer. Unpaid, of course. While I’m not entirely happy about that situation, I can say that at least I have a job, which is becoming rarer and rarer in these parts.

Isn’t it sad when “at least I have a job” is the bright side?

Last night, as I was watching the Wings lose (that’s OK boys, we’ll win it at home), I was let in on a secret conspiracy theory. A friend who will remain nameless for the sake of safety revealed his suspicion that the government is trying to drive our entire state into the ground, so that they can close it, use it for a landfill and parcel out the contents of the Great Lakes to the rest of the country, who would love to get their greasy little mits on our water. Who knows? He may be right.

Which would be a shame, because I like this state.

Our little cottage was awesome, like a little fairytale cabin in the woods, if fairytale cabins had satellite TV and modern appliances, that is. We had a relaxing weekend, with some biking, some wineries and brunch with Mr. and Mrs. Z, who are two of my most favorite people in the universe.

Also, we saw the NIN|JA show (Nine Inch Nails and Jane’s Addiction). Nine Inch Nails, who for years have been a great live show actually are quite sucky live now. There are a million different reasons I could go into about this (Trent is old, the last few albums by NIN have sucked, Trent doesn’t put any energy into his performances anymore, Trent has kind of become a whiny bitch onstage), but I won’t get into them.

Instead I’ll simply say that Jane’s Addiction is and always will be the Best. Band. Ever. TFN and I love this band to the point of succumbing to a PDA during “Summertime Rolls.” I think I would have put this wonderful song in the post, but instead I’ll say FUCK YOU WARNER MUSIC!

Brody is Back!

I really don’t have much more to say about this right now. But, as you all know, I can’t stop talking about music, I will talk about my love for Brody Dalle.

Brody Dalle with the Distillers, several years ago:



She was just such a gutsy, in-your-face kind of vocalist, pure bad-assedness. Her voice was unapologetically harsh, and I loved this band for that. She showed that girls could front punk bands and not be forced to be cute about it.

Then, the Distillers went “on hiatus” for several years.

I eventually figured they wouldn’t get back together.

It turns out I was right.

But Brody would be back.

Over the years, she has had a baby and refined her look and sound. Her new band, Spinnerette, is much more slick, much less badass, but I think sexier, and I still really dig it.



I got to interview Brody. She rocks.

On an unrelated note, did you know they make lingerie out of dairy products in Italy? I saw them at the grocery store.

Sexy Italian cheese lingerie

Honestly, I could rant and rave for a lot longer, but let’s just leave it with cheese-flavored undergarments for now. It seems like an upbeat place to stop.