Thursday, June 21, 2007

You're all kitten haters...

I know that I am a bit outdoorsy. I like to get out, ride in the woods, have bonfires, etc., and I do worry about the environment. I watched "An Inconvenient Truth" and did find it disturbing, but recent facts have come to light that have forced me to question that global warming could be good... or at least cute.

You see, Global Warming = Kittens. And we all like kittens.

Apparently, according to this story, the rise in temperatures equals longer breeding seasons for cats, which equals more kittens. So, if we were to fight global warming, it would equal less kittens, and that's bad by basic logic.

I mean, any little girl could figure it out. Just ask her (Let's use Pickles for example), "Pickles, what's better? More kittens or less kittens?" She's definitely going to answer "more kittens, please." (She's so polite!)

And she'd be right.

I can see the anti-environmental folks using this as an argument: "What, you're against global warming? What's the matter with you? Do you hate kittens? If you hate kittens, you must also love terrorists and hate America, too!"

Who can argue with that?

So, as a result of all this, I can only urge everyone to use their A/C and their heat at the same time, wage war between your humidifiers and your dehumidifiers, and drive bigger cars. I thank you, and the kittens thank you.

Then again, global warming could lead to our eventual demise, as we're smothered by a giant mass of kittens. What the hell, at least it would be a cute way to go.

The Apocalypse is coming... and it's fuzzy.


Jennifer said...


So THAT's how your utility bill came to $8 grand!

Are kittens the only cute animals to benefit from the longer breeding season? We've got our bunnies scheduled for a pre-breeding check-up in a couple of weeks. Just want the vet to say, "Yeah! These bunnies are cute enough AND healthy enough to reproduce!" We were thinking of only one batch of baby bunnies, and then having the parents neutered & spayed, but if it's true, that breeding seasons are longer for every cute mammal, and that the Apocalypse could actually be a warm & fuzzy experience, I for one see no reason not to speed things up! If I leave the bunny 'nads intact, this would also resolve my annual Christmas shopping angst -- bunnies for everyone!!!

Right after I go buy myself a Hummer, I'll be off to crank up those thermostats, turn on all of the lights and televisions and computers and stereos, and what the hell -- I think I'll open the windows and the refrigerator doors, too, but not until I cut down every last tree on my puny five acre wooded lot!


fineartist said...

Okay Alpha, you've worked ZBT into a frenzy,

proud of yourself?


Angeline Rose Larimer said...


I KNOW I left a comment on this. Have I been censored?

And where the scallop has Stray Thoughts been?