Wednesday, December 21, 2005

There go my dreams of opening a cala mari steakhouse...


The preserved body of a giant squid has been put on display at the Melbourne Aquarium.

The squid is seven metres long and weighs 250 kilograms (which is something like 800 feet long and 26 million pounds, I think. I don't do metric.) and is displayed frozen in a giant block of ice.

Some disturbing revelations have arisen concerning this squid. From the article:
And while he said the squid was a wonderful specimen, there was a good reason why it won't end up at one of Melbourne's seafood restaurants. Giant squids have urea running through their bloodstream, which smells strongly of ammonia. "It is lighter than water so it helps keep them buoyant at those very low depths," Mr. Kirby said. "But I wouldn't touch one. It would be like eating a bowl of bleach."

I feel like I've been lied to. Why are we devoting all this time to learning more about giant squids if we can't eat them?

Link to story

4 comments:

Writer Mom said...

Good God, you hilarious fellow.

First, I think your metric is off a little. I'm sure it's 25.6 million, but you tried. 800 feet is correct. Good show!

We are learning about giant squids because it's cool...finding out things like urea in bloodstreams causing buoyancy...Most assuredly, that will come in useful some day when humans wish to float around like squid in the ocean.
Again, I really wish they'd cure cancer first, but I'm sure that's much more boring. Hey! Perhaps the answers are preserved in frozen gigantic squids.
How much you think it costs per day to keep that sucker frozen?

Ah, well.

Segue said...

21.2 feet long.

550 pounds.

I'm not being a smart-ass, I was just curious myself.

That's a big helping of calamari... They could probably serve it using one of the suckers as a plate.

Mr. Kirby's assertion that munching on one "would be like eating a bowl of bleach" puzzles me, though... Mrs. Kirby must do all the housework.

It would be like eating a big bowl of ammonia.

By the way:

Ammonia + Bleach = Mustard Gas

Also not a tasty entre.

zilla said...

Yeah, what Segue said re: uria and ammonia.

By the way, has your massage therapist or your chiropractor ever told you that those knots in your back -- the ones nestled beneath your shoulder blades or lined up along your spine, or wherever you have them because surely you are as TENSE as I am -- are actually blobs of uria that have collected there because 1)you are TENSE and 2) you haven't been drinking your daily allotment of water (1oz per pound of body weight)?

Eat me. I'm as good as a 550 pound squid.

zilla said...

urea.

shit.

I mean, piss.