Leave it to the Japanese to take the fun out of underage drinking.

Japanese novelty foods never cease to amaze me. First, there's Pocky, which I'll never understand, other than you're supposed to eat it if you walk that fine line between geek and hipster. Then, there is strawberry milk-flavored breakfast sausage? OK, that just makes me nauseous.

Now, a Japanese company is producing beer for kids. While this does remind me of my family weddings, where it's not uncommon to find a stumbling 11-year-old, this kid's beer is non-alcoholic. Even so, it almost seems like a conspiracy by Anheuser-Busch to start 'em even earlier.

I can picture it now: a dark basement, a handful of grim, haggard fourth-graders, chewing on candy cigarettes, sucking down kid's brews, and betting their bicycles on a high-stakes Pokemon card game.

The best part? The beverage's slogan is actually "Even kids cannot stand life unless they have a drink." If Johnny Cash were still alive, you can bet he'd do the jingle for that.