Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Turtles and Stuff

I like turtles. Just a few weeks ago, I told The Fabulous Nicole that we needed a turtle. She said no. Then I suggested we get two turtles, so that they could keep each other company and be even less work, but she also said no to this. I am still coming to terms with this (then again, this comes after a conversation a few years ago where she told me I could have Sea Monkeys once I proved that I could be responsible enough to care for them. A few years later, I still don't have Sea Monkeys, and don't even let's get started about the Ant Farm conversation...), but I think reality is setting in that I will never have my little turtles, obviously and unoriginally named Cowboy Pete and Linda "The Ragin' Cajun" Beauvier.

I even picked them out, too. These are my two turtles. I think they would make a very cute couple (Linda's the one with the pretty eyes):

Now, on the topic of turtles, I am currently watching a turtle race very closely. Unlike t your average run-of-the-mill turtle races that they show on ESPN 4 on Saturday afternoons, this is the big one. It's the Great Turtle Race.

Every year, the Leatherback Turtles (well, the girl ones anyway) go to Costa Rica and lay eggs. Then, when they're done, they head back to the Galapagos. The first one backs gets a wide selction of valuable cash and prizes. The grand prize last year was a Ford Escort, this year it's an upright washer and dryer and a billiards table. But as in all events in this circuit, the real prize is bragging rights. And lucrative sponsorship deals. And a cut in some certain illicit businesses.

At any rate, this year the turtles allowed themselves to be tagged in order to expose the seedy underbelly of this event, which apparently has so many side bets going on that a lot of underhanded stuff goes on. Apparently, someone in previous years had even paid to have a shark hit put on one of the favored contenders prior to its start. Nobody was pinned with it, but not many people will forget watching the starting ceremonies last year when the camera caught the surprised look on one of the racer's faces when the racer who had avoided the hit in question showed up defiantly at the starting line, security entourage in tow.

That's just how serious they are.

The Great Turtle Race kicked off two days ago, and my pick Billie is currently in 3rd, but she's not that far back and it's a long race; a lot can happen over the next few weeks.


Angeline Rose Larimer said...

OMG, you incredible genius of a man.
What a perfect distraction!

When I visited the turtles, it looked like Drexelina and Sundae were having sex on the beach (Drexie on top), so naturally I'm cheering for those two.

Good luck, Billie. You can totally catch Windy.

(What happens to the map if one gets eaten? Skull and crossbones?)

ron st.amant said...

Well I of course am rooting for Stephanie Colburtle the Turtle since I'm a huge fan of her dad Stephen Colbert...and what with his missing son Stephen Jr, the Eagle and also the loss of the Saginaw Spirit and their mascot Stephen Cobeagle the Eagle I think there needs to be some winning in that family.

Also Genevieve...totally juiced. I'm half surprised that didn't name her Barry Bondsturtle.

and Ange...clearly Drexelina and Sundae are NOT having sex...that would make them gay...and gay turtles don't have sex, or get married even in Costa Rica (Panama maybe..MAYBE). No clearly Drexelina (from Drexel University) and Sundae (from an ice cream company)??? Totally high on some Costa Rica herb and heading to Nicaragua for some blow...I just hope they stop them in Mexico...we don't need illegal immigrant drugged out hippy turtles crossing the border and taking away jobs from American turtles...even the jobs American tutles won't do.

Angeline Rose Larimer said...

I take it back. I think Drexelina is eating Sundae. They got high, Drexie started hallucinating, and Sundae turned into a huge slow churned banana split. If next she manages to cover 300 miles in a day, we'll absolutely know for sure she's out of her mind on blow.
Just what exact type of research does Drexel University do?

Jennifer said...

12:28pm Thursday: Billie's overtaken Windy!!! (Of course, you're glued to the action and knew before I did.) Windy's actually aimed the wrong way now -- looks like she's headed back to the beach for a bong hit?

When you visit, I'll introduce the Fabulous Nicole to Zeke, my red eared slider. He lives in my kitchen during the snowy months and lives on the patio during temperate months.

I jumped the gun on temperate this year and put him out a week before our last snow storm. Gina ended up having to break through the ice to bring him into the house to thaw. (He was fine; I would not have left him out there if a little freezing weather was going to kill him, honest.)

Anyway, as you can see, turtles aren't that hard to care for, and they're good practice for those who are planning to adopt more demanding pets, like, oh, philodendrons. I hope the Fabulous Nicole reconsiders!

Angeline Rose Larimer said...

Any way of finding out whether or not Sundae is dead?